watch me my whole life: on insystem romance

What is it like being in an in-system relationship?

I’m Lucio. I’m in a relationship with Nanashi. One might wonder, just how is it possible to be dating someone inside your own head? It is a little different from a standard relationship, after all.

Nanashi and I met when I was at my worst. I was a bit hostile, and lashed out a bit. I was angry, and lonely, and afraid. I hid away in the brain, distancing myself from the others. This probably isn’t the best way to handle loneliness, duh, but I was convinced that, if anyone cared, they would come and find me. It took a while, due to meatworld things, but… Nanashi found me. He comforted me, I cried in his arms, and in that moment I knew that I was in love with him.

The two of us use a skill called imposition to help out our relationship. Basically, I or Nanashi am projected onto the meatspace. We can’t see each other visually, but we know we’re both there. You can sense the other person’s presence. There’s a weight there. We make room for the other when we are together. If we are sitting next to each other on the couch, for example, Nanashi will leave a space on the couch open for myself. If someone sits down in that spot, I’m stuck standing. It sucks being in a relationship nobody can see. It sucks kissing the air, even though I know it’s more than that. Every so often I wonder if life would be different if the two of us had our own bodies. If the two of us were our own people, physically, and could be in a normal relationship. By now, the two of us would have moved in together, and would be living a happy, domestic life. Maybe I would’ve proposed. But we can’t do that now. We share a body. And, to everyone else, we are the exact same person.

But then I think about myself. I’m depressing. As an alter, I’m the suicidal one. I’m flat, I’m difficult to befriend, and, before meeting Nanashi, I was extremely closed off and didn’t like or trust anyone. Years ago, Nanashi was extremely shy and anxious. He would panic at every little thing, and had no backbone. He’s grown a lot since then. But, still. If we had separate bodies, who knows how things could have ended up. We probably wouldn’t have ended up in a relationship. Knowing me, if I were the sole person in this body, I would have died a long time ago. Even then, had we known each other in school, Nanashi would’ve been too scared to approach me. So, in a way, I’m glad we’re together in this way. We likely wouldn’t have if anything was different.

I’m too lazy to write a conclusion to this. In conclusion, I like Nanashi. A very normal amount, as he would say.