overcoming blurryness: walking you through my process

At the time of writing this, it is the day after Christmas. I… am very tired. I feel like falling asleep, but I have work today, so here I am. Forced to be awake. Because of this, I am very, very blurry. I have minimal energy, and can’t focus on anything. Still… I know it’s probably pretty important for people to know who they’re talking to. So! I guess I’ll try and figure it out. Maybe writing things out will help me stay awake? lol

Firstly, I’m a user of multiple tracking apps. We enjoy sorting things! Our most up to date list is our SimplyPlural, which is also what we use so our friends know who’s around. We’re very grateful for our friends who check! So, what I do first when I’m blurry is scroll through SimplyPlural, hoping someone stands out and latches on. So… admittedly, this is less of a “finding out who you are” walkthrough, and is more “getting someone to latch on and start fronting more clearly. Something that tends to happen to us when we’re blurry and scroll through a system list is that we’ll start to rapid-switch. Basically, everyone seems to give fronting a shot, and if they can’t latch onto front, then the next person tries. This isn’t always a voluntary thing, though, so sometimes you’ll get someone who doesn’t want to front, but is stuck up there anyway.

So! Going down the list…
I don’t think that I’m Aira, I feel older. This rules out all the syskids and systeens. I don’t think I’m Andromeda, because I feel a bit more masc, so this rules out all of our more fem alters. Aster is very sarcastic, and I don’t think that’s the kind of person I am. Same goes for Ben, and others with similar personality traits. Baizhu… I could be him? Putting a bookmark there. Cherry and Kat are a bit more mean, and I’d like to consider myself a nice person, so I don’t think I’m him. Dai is a little too excitable, and maybe it’s because I’m tired, but I don’t feel like him. My internal voice is also higher than his, since Dai has a pretty deep internal voice. Eri… is also possible! Not Eva, though, Eva is a bit too old. I think I’m in my 20s? Maybe? Could be a tiny bit younger, but still an adult. Finis and Dell are a bit too flat for me, I’d like to think I have more of a personality. This also rules out anyone similar to them. Hawk’s voice is very distinctive, and it isn’t mine, so I’m not Hawk. Kennedy… is not me. I feel a little on edge, a little anxious, and that isn’t Kennedy’s thing. He’s way more chill. King is a bit too energetic. Oh! Oh, I’m probably Lambda. This makes sense. Last night we were surrounded by people for a long time, and I tend to be triggered by overstimulation in social situations. This also explains why I’m on edge, since I’m still recovering from yesterday, but I’m forced to be in public. I’m a little overwhelmed, and already overstimulated, even though nobody is really here yet! It doesn’t seem like anyone else is able to latch on, though, so I guess I’m stuck?

Not sure if walking you through my process is something helpful, but I tried!