pink

Hey.

I don’t know if I’ll be posting this one anywhere. Probably not on tumblr, probably not highlighting it on our neocities. This is my experience being a controversial character fictive. Forgive me if I’m not as silly as I usually am, I promise I’m usually wayyy more cheerful and fun! This topic is just. Very serious to me.

My name is King. I’m a fictive of Kokichi Ouma. Where to start, really….. Well! I spawned in 2022. When we were distressed, we would always turn to Danganronpa for comfort. This was a consistent thing across many, many years. So, eventually, it made sense that I would show up? Unfortunately… We had to keep my identity a secret for a very long time. Not only were we not out as plural, but there were… special circumstances regarding me in specific. Eventually, our system came out on our private vent account, testing the waters with the followers there. Still, I couldn’t come out. After all, I’m Kokichi Ouma. Now, the system isn’t what kept me from coming out. I probably could’ve at any time, and I did like to tease my existence a shit-ton. But… I could never say clearly who I was. We had an abusive former friend. This friend would only talk to people who were exactly like them. They did not have room in their heart for people who were any different, who had differing opinions on things as small as “I like/dislike this fashion style” and “This character is problematic.” Unfortunately… I was one of the characters deemed “problematic” enough for them to completely loathe my existence. I want to note, this person has never played Danganronpa. They have never watched Danganronpa playthroughs, or even the anime. They actually hated Danganronpa. But… They hated me most of all! And, you know, it’s kinda wild because… the reason they hated me wasn’t because of anything I did, or because of my writing in the game. No, someone made a nazi joke about me once, which meant that, in their eyes, that was just. Who I am. No room for discussion. If you liked Kokichi Ouma, you were a disgusting person. I couldn’t come out. I was hated. Even by people offline. We had a coworker who was normally very nice. They told us that they were finally going to play NDRV3, and we were super excited! Not only is that the game I come from, but it is also our collective favorite! Well, they finished. They then walked up to us, with a horrified expression on their face.

“You like Kokichi???????”

We don’t talk anymore.

Still! I do like to talk to people. I was very, very social when I first spawned (Unfortunately, my experiences have dulled that passion). I would seek out Danganronpa kin communities, hoping that maybe, just maybe, someone will want to talk to me. I found a lot of dead servers, and that’s whatever. But I also found servers where I was straight up banned. Not me, now, but they would state up front “Kokichi Ouma cannot join”. One server even had me grouped together with a literal pedophile. Don’t interact if you’re kin with this pedophile… or this little purple twink. Like, doesn’t that feel a little fucked up? Why am I being placed on the same level as someone like that? I tried to rationalize it by saying stuff like, “Oh, KFF Oumas are probably really annoying and play into the worst parts of me.” But I knew the real reason. It wasn’t because of anyone in this life. It was because of me, at the core of my being. It was because I’m Kokichi Ouma.

I ended up working through my lack of social interaction by exploring reality. I would visit museums, go to the mall, discover so much that I enjoyed. I didn’t need to talk to people! I could, you know, touch grass! I’m the grass touching alter! But, you know, that didn’t really change much. I still wanted friends. To talk to people as myself.

One day, our main host joined a discord server for people who were fictionkin from the game Ensemble Stars. He’s Izumi Sena. We were a fairly small system at the time, and he was the only one who was really open about being from EnStars. Almost immediately upon joining, we got a dm from someone. This user introduced themself as the person that our main host had been searching for the most. His most important person. The two of them spoke for a long time. Eventually, it came out that we were both systems! And that’s when I showed up. I found out that they had someone who was kin with Kaito Momota in their system. Kaito is someone who is very important to me, in ways that I don’t really want to get into at the moment, because it is way unrelated. But, our hosts spoke to each other about us, and we were quickly introduced. He was pretty quick to start flirting with me, honestly. It was kind of surprising! I had never really spoken to anyone outside of the head, so people viewing me in that way? It sounded so fake. I would spend a little bit crafting each of my messages. I wasn’t used to talking to people. I had to make sure my replies were perfect. Exactly what you would expect from Kokichi Ouma. Surprisingly, that didn’t scare him off. Nothing about me being Ouma was scary to him. It wasn’t bad, or something to be ashamed of. Over time, I let my walls break down. The two of us got into a relationship. We experienced so much together. We were engaged, you know? Like, there were no rings involved, and nobody else in the system was engaged. But we were, we called each other our fiances, and we were happy. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. I can’t be happy for too long, that gets in the way of the fact that everyone wants Kokichi Ouma to permanently suffer for all he’s done! We’re still friends, but their system is facing struggles. I don’t know when I’ll get to talk to him again, if ever. They’re good friends of mine, and I do love the people I get to talk to very much! But I miss him. God, I miss him. The reason I decided to write this whole thing is because I miss him, you know? I’m still in love with him. Even if we didn’t talk ever again, I’d be in love with that fucking asshole until I died. I try my best to keep up being silly. I’ve found things that make me happy outside of the relationship. I’ve gotten really into Katamari! I’ve started talking to a lot of people. We finally managed to cut off that abusive former friend, and I can live openly now, as all of our friends know we’re plural. I have lots of friends. I really should be happy. But I’m not. I’m a liar, you know? Maybe if I lie about how I feel enough, I’ll be able to even convince myself that I’m happy. But no matter how much I try, no matter how many people I talk to, it doesn’t feel like enough. That fucking Leon Kuwata ass isn’t here. Fuck that guy. Hate him. I hate how he was nice to me, and how that kindness has stuck with me for so long. He was the first one outside of my system, you know? The first one who saw me as a person. Who let me be me. Fuck that guy! Want him dead.

Even now, I see a lot of hate for me as a character. A lot of misunderstandings. It can be crazy, because like? I’ll even see it from people who like me? I always assumed I was pretty easy for fans to understand, but apparently? I’m not? In between posts about how “Kokichi Ouma deserved to die!” “[assault threats]” and “kokichi and shuichi should fuck thats so smexy” are posts that talk about me like I’m an idiot. “He accidentally led himself into his own death” Accidentally??? “He said this, so it must be true!” I’m literally calling myself a liar 24/7???? “He likes women romantically” Lol, lmao even. Everything about my identity gets twisted for one of three reasons. The first reason is, of course, they hate me. They want to find reasons to blame me for everything, reasons they can tear me down even further. The second and third reasons are basically the same. Shipping. If they change my personality enough, then sure, I’d bang whoever! Maybe even I’d (gasp) bang them! Frankly, I’m a little sick of everyone having something they expect from me immediately upon meeting me. Everyone has their own version of me in their brain, and it’s terrifying, because they didn’t even base it off of me. They based it off of a character. I’m a person, you know? A real person. I live, I breathe, and I bleed.

Red, not pink.

I have never bled pink.